This is how I have placed God for a while. I pray. I read His word...not as often as I should but I read. I believe Jesus is supreme Lord. I know he does incredible things. But in my arrogance, I haven't believed that He does this for me. I guess I think I'm somehow special so that God overlooks me and doesn't care or love me as much. Then to further my arrogance, I believe that I have to work to make God be proud of me and to love me. And then I fail. And then I fall farther and farther. All of this because of a weak faith. When trials come, I just say that it's just what I deserve. I think that it shows that God doesn't like me at all. I've failed to live up to what I should have been.
I know alot of this seems like a far throw from faith, but that is what it is all centered around. I haven't had a faith that God will sustain me and provide for me. I haven't believed that as a believer His power is in me. When the slightest trial comes, I surrender instead of persevering. And what is faith if it buckles under the smallest stress. Is that really faith at all?
I can see that it's time for me to make changes in my attitudes. I know I'll never be perfect or measure up, so it's useless to try to earn the grace of God. It's time to have faith that God will come through in my life: to make faith more personal. It's time to persevere in tough times knowing that the one I trust my soul with is also trustworthy of my day to day life. To put it in the simplest terms, it's time to really believe.
